And I’m completely comfortable with that.

This movie affected me so much as a kid that I wrote my first short story based on the racism that I witnessed in the film.

I also think it played into my love and respect of strong, independent women, and disdain for prude, obnoxious, self righteous women.

At one point in my life, I thought I might be a jingle writer, just because of the scene with Manny Singer ( wa wa waaa ) and the J-E-L-L-O jingle.

Erik Satie and the Trois Gymnopedies always make me want to write a piece at my young age because of this film.

Jazz makes me feel extra sophisticated, and dare I say sexy on occasion, because of this film.

I always make a couple of big waves with fresh sheets when I put them on the bed because of this film.

Whenever I’m in the car wash, I think the car is getting tickled.

Whenever I’m driving, I try to blow at the red light to make them green.

This movie probably played a bit of a role in my trial of cigarettes when I was 18.

This could go on forever,
but I do have a point.

What we watch, what we listen to, etc, does play a huge part in who we are and what we do.

Are there any films or pieces of music that have permanently affected the way that you see life?

Goal Progress:

- 2lbs
-Journals.. .ehhhh, hit and miss.
- Writing an album- Blessed with someone to help me learn about writing and recording
- Made my own guacamole for the first time… so delicious!

I realized I made a LOT of goals, so I won’t be doing them all at the same time necessarily, except the ones that required daily progress…

Sorry for this short post.

This is IT! As in, these goals are it… I’ve chosen my goals for the year.

Thank you all for your responses, they were very helpful and encouraging.

Speaking of encouragement, remember, I need your help in accountability to all of these. This post contains the goals I’ve chosen… The way in which I get them accomplished will vary, but the general gist of each one is laid out before you.

These are in NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

1. Goal: Lose 30 lbs by 12.25.11.

Process: Eat healthier foods and drink healthier drinks, exercise for 30-45 minutes 5x a week. I won’t be using any kind of program for this weight loss, I want to change my lifestyle so I can keep the weight off. Please don’t use this blog to post diet programs that cost money, I’m not interested.

2. Goal: Pay off Credit Card by 12.25.11.

Process: I will pay a significant amount above the minimum payment each month. Sorry, guys, I won’t be discussing my money details on here. However, the good thing is I only have 1 credit card and the limit is $2,000, so I’m not in too bad of shape.

3. Goal: Attend 1 play, 1 symphony, and 1 ballet.

Process: I live in a large city, and only 8 hours away from Chicago. And I’m an Activity Director. No excuses!

4. Goal: Spend 1 Day a week Social Media Free.

Process: This will be every Sunday starting next Sunday. This includes Twitter, Facebook, and the blog.

5. Goal: Keep a journal specifically for 2 things: Writing down my exquisite moment of the day, and writing down 3 things I’m thankful for daily.

Process: Starting tomorrow, that will equal 900 things I’m thankful for by 1/1/12, and 300 individual Exquisite moments. These won’t necessarily be kept on the blog,  but I’ll share the “gems”.

6. Goal:Cook a *unique* meal from scratch 1x a month.

Process: Self Explanatory. Feel free to share recipes! I’ll post a picture about each one. Think HEALTHY, not comfort foods.

7. Goal: Read 1 new book a month. I already have  a list started of books I’ve had on my list for a while. I’m currently going through “The Good and Beautiful God.”

8. Goal: Write and record an album.

Process: Lengthy, let’s hope it gets done by December 25.

I apologize if I didn’t pick the goals you wanted, but I needed to keep it realistic. Here’s to change with God and community!

Well, the good news is, I PASSED! I’m now a Board Certified Music Therapist.

Here’s the thing: Lately, I’ve given myself more goals, and surprisingly…

With God’s help, I’ve been accomplishing them.

So here is my proposition: I make a list of goals for this year. I can either knock them off one by one, pair them together, or make combinations.

BUT, I don’t want to do this alone!

I’m not asking that you join me in completing my goals (unless you feel so inclined, more power to you!), but I need help in selecting them. I also need help in the way of accountability.  If this is something you’d seriously consider, here are some things to consider doing:

1. Comment on this post with your selection of goals you’d like to see me accomplish by the end of 2011. (Don’t worry, some of them are pretty personal, and if you pick them, I won’t get offended. Like the losing 30 pounds one.)

2. Text, email, call, whoof me, fax me, etc. anytime and ask me how I’m doing with my goals for this year. I’m in a new city, new job, new friends, new church, new everything, so I need all the accountability I can get!

3. Comment on this post and add a goal you think would be good for me. It doesn’t need to sound completely serious. I’m up for doing goofy stuff. Just as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody or make me do some serious forgiveness seeking.

4. Offer your services in helping me accomplish my goal. For example, if you have a great book on songwriting, you could lend it. Or, if you have some tips and tricks for cooking healthy, delicious meals, post em’ or send em’!

I’m going to update the blog weekly (no messin’ this time, you can hold me to it.)

Okay, so here goes the goals list you can choose from:

1. Lose 30 pounds by December 25. (Recommendation from my Doc, so this one is going on whether you pick it or not.)

Just being Juno but I thought the visual was fitting.

2. Write and record my first album.

3. Get a passport.

4. Perform at least 1 self-composed piece live. Where other people are present

(Gill doesn’t count. If you haven’t met Gill, my fish, you should watch What About Bob.)

5. Learn a new instrument.

6. Teach someone else a new instrument/skill.

7. Learn how to run effectively without passing out or breaking my ankles.

8. Read through 1 book every 2 weeks ( I work a lot. This is feasible. You can help pick the books, too!)

9. Volunteer at a really odd organization.

10. Read the entire bible.

11. Audition for some type of acting role in small theatre, etc.

12. Pay off my credit card.

That’s it. So , I’ll make a post in the next few days and let you know which goals I decided on, and the timeframe for each goal.

I don’t feasibly see completing all of these this year, but some of these aren’t that exciting. I’m counting on YOU to put in some bizarre “goals”. You know me, I’m up for almost anything!

Remember to look at the top of the post for your ways to help me carry out my goals.

Ready, set… go!

It felt like for a second, I had my life taken away from me, or that I was never here.

When I woke up just now, I felt like life was breathed into me, giving me another chance.

My hands are not my own, my feet do not belong to me. My body is on loan, what have I been doing with it?

Engorging with food I can find the fastest just to satisfy my craving, or spending time preparing a meal to honor God with my body?

My body is on loan, what have I been doing with it?

Assisting my mind to run away from the thought of running to keep my heart healthy?

My life is on loan, what have I been doing with it?

Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy, keep things clean, go to work, don’t screw up, come home, computer computer computer computer.

Does my breath even say Yahweh anymore?

My heart is on loan, what have I been doing with it?

Giving it to the thought of relationships I don’t even have? Giving it to a fantasy with a man I’ll never meet? Giving it to a person at work who makes me feel worthless? Handing it over to any person who I’ll let turn it to rock?

My mind is on loan, what have I been doing with it?

I should be doing this, I should be there, what if I had done that, what if I said this to him, would that have changed things, all of the things I have to do all of the things I have to do all of the things I have to do do do I have to do do do what if I can’t do them, what if I’m a failure, am I failure?
I’m a failure .

If I don’t claim my mind for the kingdom of God, how would I honor my body, my hands, my feet, my heart and my soul?

Tell me who I am God, so I become the woman you created me to be
Show me who you are God, so I can praise you for why you came to me

I don’t want another silly rhyme of praise
I don’t want to jibber jab to a God sitting in a chair with his back turned

FATHER
I want to praise you for who you ARE, show me who you are
You are the God that thought fervently of me before I was born
You are the God that held my hand when my family fell apart
You are the God that led me to the piano when I didn’t know how to tell others how I felt
You are the same God that rejoiced with me when I fell in love
You are the same GOd that cried with me when my heart was broken
You are the same God that transformed my heart and healed it piece by piece

You are the God that is just as in love with me as you are with the UPS guy next to me on 435.
You hold the mother who just lost her child in your arms
You weep with the father who just lost his wife to cancer.
You carry the child whose parents have rejected them in silence at the dinner table night after night.

You created the universe, and have just as much wrath and justice as you do compassion and love and jealousy for me.

Help me forgive those who I’ve let harden my heart, so that you may in turn soften it so I may be compassionate towards them.

You are my Abba father, you created the stars, and you made me and my brothers and sisters to praise you. Here we are. We love you.

That happened on the last one. I thought about deleting it, but then I’d be editing myself too much. Regardless, I have to go to bed soon, but when I look at my blog and think about updating it or deleting the last post, I get blocked.

I figured I’d just put in this filler until I think of something that my selfish brain judges as witty-enough content.

I’ve been reading books about stages of life that have nothing to do with my current one, just parts that I’m fascinated by. I don’t want to read a book on what I’m experiencing. I’d like to know what other people are going through, I guess.

To answer the suspense, I’ve been reading books about the end of life, alzheimer’s, and pregnancy. They’re all great so far

Upon discussing scenes of “Adventureland” with a dear friend of mine, who is male, I’ve come across something I’ve never heard. A shortened excerpt below…

Me: You know what I can’t stand about Kristen Stewart? She looks absolutely beautiful with no makeup on whatsoever. (Not a good thing to say, but I think she’s a naturally beautiful person. Moving on…)

Friend: That’s not why she’s hot, though… guys think she’s hot because she acts like she’s on the verge of being psycho, but isn’t. She’s not crazy, but acts like she could get there. Men like women who are on the verge of being psycho but don’t go there. Men don’t want a woman who is happy and bubbly all the time, it gives a sense that she’s ignorant about her surroundings.

(This is all paraphrased, and I am in no way bashing what my friend said. This is just news to me.)

Most of the time, I try to keep things like this out of the blog, but I’m dumbfounded. Really? Do most men prefer a woman who’s on the verge of being “psycho”? What does “psycho” even mean, to the average American male?

Many people in the population are not correctly educated about mental health, so I don’t know if “psycho” is the right term… Either way, I’m friends with quite a few married couples, and have worked in mental health. I don’t think any of those wives are on the brink of a psychotic meltdown. Marriage is tough, requires a lot of compromise, and has many unique characteristics, different from any other type of relationship.

The usual gag that I’ve heard from my male friends is that most men stay away from women, because they are “all psycho”. These two theses are very confusing. Anyone care to chime in on this one?

Either way, you can rest assured that if there is some truth to this, I’m not going to diagnose myself with a DSM-IV and start acting belligerently. However, I am curious to see what your thoughts are on the matter. If you disagree with the gentleman who made the original theory about “Desirable On-The-Brink-Of-A-Pyschotic-Meltdown Women”, please be kind.

No hurricane. No rain. Just a lot of wind. There are small signs everyday that I’m not in Florida anymore, and this was one of them. Waking up to howling wind with no Hurricane Esmerelda on the way.

Although I love to write, I fear my letters to friends have been far more mopy than necessary. Part of me thinks that when I die, they’ll all get together and make a book of everything I wrote. And then when everyone sees their individual letters put together, they’ll realize what a selfish mope I am. Hopefully you’ll realize the same thing, reading that I actually think I’m cool enough for people to keep my letters.

Sometimes I wonder if Beethoven & Tchaikovsky thought the same thing, or if they really did write that much. No phones or texting or blog posts, you’ve got to get out all of that emotion and pretentious self loathing somewhere.

Upon my church hopping in Kansas City, I stumbled upon Church of the Resurrection, a recommendation from a friend. It’s too big for me, but I stayed due to a metaphorical slap upside the head from God through the pastor, Adam Hamilton, in the first sermon I heard.

That’s what I need, and it wasn’t happening anywhere else. It’s sad to say, but if I didn’t find a church home soon, I was about to take a dive into an acidic pool of bitterness.

Is it true that the people who display the same qualities that we do irritate us? It would be nice to read some more about that.

The idea that I may one day be a mother is increasingly exciting and shaming. Some of the things I do to my fragile body are probably not nourishing, and might one day have an effect on any children I might bear. (It’s also just a general good idea to take care of the temple I’ve been loaned.)

All of that to disclaimer the fact that I recently ordered this book.

I’m single, I’m in a new city, in a new job, new apartment, new everything. These are prime conditions to learn how to really take care of myself. My bet is that this book is better than any diet book, because the main key is to take care of yourself to the point that you can take care of someone else.

I  just love reading about the human body. I’m just as likely to order a book from the library on Parkinson’s or Schizophrenia.

I think that’s a good place to end for today.

There’s a possibility that I want to go to medical school and become a doctor, but I’ll never go because my people skills will always be better than my memorization skills.

There’s a possibility that I have vices just like everyone else.

There’s a possibility that I might never marry.

There’s a possibility that I’ll marry within a year.

There’s a possibility that I’ll never see the age of 40.

There’s a possibility that I will.

There’s a possibility that I’ll be an incredible mother one day and watch my child grow into a person that I’m proud to know.

Or maybe I won’t.

But if I keep perseverating over my past, and worrying about my future, what good is today for?

God gave me over a hundred breaths just while I wrote this entry, not counting the ones I’ve had for 24 years, and hopefully the ones that He’ll gift me with tomorrow.

I’m in a pickle. He also gave me a brain to think with. And while it’s more tempting to use that brain to dwell on my past and future, I find after an embarrassing amount of life reflection that it’s much better used to embrace today, learn how to adapt to whatever happens.

Even if my past comes back, and it feels as if everything I’ve worked for is being tested, or if my future isn’t what I’d hoped it to be, learning how to take every day as an astronomical blessing seems a better way to be.

I still have my blue eyes that get compliments from men as old as 94.

What do you have today?

Happy Monday.

As vain as I am, I thought she’d look up and smile, or squeeze my hand, or hum along with me.

No, just labored breathing.

I’d forgotten my guitar that day, and when I found out she was passing soon, I know she liked hymns, so I thought I should sing some to her.

She passed the next morning.

Yesterday at work, I watched a documentary called “Except for Six” about Catholic Community Hospice in Michigan.

Diagnosed with cancer, he said his only regret in life was leaving his wife behind.

At the end, the dying man says to his wife ” I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

and then he passed.

As I walked out of the conference room, I found a resident yelling and restless in her room. I ran to grab my guitar to try to calm her down with soothing music.

Music Therapy is not for everyone.

She grabbed the guitar and tried to throw it.

I decided to keep playing Johnny Cash’s “I Walk The Line” , in the community area due to the increasing crowd of residents that watched as nurses tried to hold her and calm her down while she was refusing meds.

When I drove home from work yesterday, I just kept thinking, “When did I learn how to do that?”